Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
