Your face is a jimmy john
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
