I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
