I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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