you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize