mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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