definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
