I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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