my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
