while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
