Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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