He asked to "fluff my boner.."
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
