i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
