he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
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