You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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