i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
