The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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