sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think your dad took our porno
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
