It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
