Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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