How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
