Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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