i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
