I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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