6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
