Dual....:-)
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
