wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize