Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
These tits shall not be calmed
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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