it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
