He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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