He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize