Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
