ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
