and you said cock pushups were impossible
She tied me up with her honor cords...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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