She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
