I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
