how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
