Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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