dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
