It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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