I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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