you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
