I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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