It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
