I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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