I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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