Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
