This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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