my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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