the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
