Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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