Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
how do you play pong handcuffed?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
