Sry I called you an 8
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
