I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
