Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
