Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
