if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
