i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
