Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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