Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
