I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize